Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
