It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
