my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize