just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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