Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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