your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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