I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
