A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Your cock deserves a montage
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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