why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
