My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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