I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
