i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize