If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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