I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
