It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
