Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Never joke about your clitoris.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
