i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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