I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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