I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
