I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
