a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
