I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
