i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
