I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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