Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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