I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
