I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
