and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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