eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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