so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
