Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
