u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
