Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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