I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
