well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
