why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
false alarm. still invincible.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
