I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
