"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
