Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
