im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
