Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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