I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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