u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
