woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
