When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
