I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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