even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
