So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have aggressive nipples.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
