theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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