i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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