So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
