They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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