We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
