they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
