i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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