but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
