You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
