You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
