R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
