I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize