They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
