apparently the secret to your success is patron
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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