his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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