I wish my penis had an off switch
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
